Dogfather
by aaquater
Summary: 'Maybe I don't have what it takes to be a proper godfather... but Merlin forbid if I won't become the best dogfather there has ever been.' Just how did Sirius, the human embodiment of immaturity, come to be Harry's godfather?
1. Chapter 1

_Hey! Here I am again, with another short story. Enjoy! :)_

_I don't own HP._

* * *

Sirius was tired.

Of course, he would deny it if you asked him, but if the bags under his eyes and the lack of caring that his hair was messy wasn't enough, then the chicken scrawl on his parchment surely was.

Merlin's beard, whoever had invented homework, Sirius had a couple of nasty hexes in mind for them.

It wasn't even so late – only about quarter past nine – but Sirius was squinting in the light of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, slouching in the armchair, squinting at the parchment, his hand moving the quill sloppily across it. The untidy letters it was leaving behind were uncommon for the boy who, regardless of his attitude towards school, always took pride in his handwriting.

"Hey mate." James leaned back in the armchair he was sitting in and playing chess against Marlene McKinnon – probably the only female Gryffindor in James and Sirius' year whom Lily hadn't convinced to avoid the Marauders like plague. "You finished yet?"

"Nope." Sirius stifled a yawn. "In a moment."

"Well, hurry up," James said, "I'm getting pounded here."

Sirius only grunted in response, so James sat back up, directing his attention back to Marlene. She was more worthy of his attention anyway, now that she had made her move, commanding her bishop to move to B5 while snickering at James' complaint.

James frowned in thought, analysing the chessboard in front of him. He made several tapping motions with his fingers over the pieces. Then, his expression brightened and he straightened his posture. "Knight to E6," he spoke in a confident voice. "Check."

James hoped Marlene would swear. He thought she would at least look distraught. Or uncomfortable. Or in thought. Or any other emotion than delighted. The grin on the girl's face unsettled him, and that was not a position James liked to be in.

"Thanks," Marlene sang, her eyes shining with mirth. "King to H7. Checkmate."

James' jaw fell down in shock. "What- but- how- that's not possible!" he stammered, unable to speak coherently at the moment. With wide eyes, he watched the chess pieces perform said command to demonstrate that it was, indeed, possible. With the move of his knight, James had accidentally placed his king into a stalemate position, and when Marlene moved away with her own king, it left her rook free to aim at James' king, putting him into checkmate.

Marlene stretched her hand out towards James. "Good game," she said. "It was nice of you to let me win."

James huffed, but shook the offered hand. "It was out of pure chivalry," he reminded her. "If I wanted, I would've won."

"Clearly," Marlene snickered. "I think I'm starting to see what Lily meant by your neck being too small for such a big head."

Such injustice, James could only think of one thing to say. "Padfoot!" he called back in a pouty voice. "I'm being made fun of!"

No response came and James began feeling concerned. Normally, Sirius would have shot back a comment so snarky, Marlene wouldn't want to speak for a whole month out of embarrassment. For him to remain quiet... Something was up with his best friend and James was going to find out what it was.

It didn't take long to figure it out, though. The image of Sirius' head planted on the parchment with his mouth open and several strands of his hair inside, his shoulders moving up and down slowly in the rhythm of his soft snoring, almost made James burst out in snickers. However, while he did so on the inside, he attempted to maintain a straight face on the outside and with his tongue between his teeth, he poked Sirius in the side, where he knew his friend was ticklish.

Sirius' head shot up instantly, along with the parchment that was stuck to his cheek. Neither James nor Marlene could keep their laughter in at that point. "Whassup? I'm awake," Sirius mumbled, scratching at the awkward feeling cheek and making the parchment fall off. James and Marlene only laughed harder when they saw Sirius' handwriting printed on his cheek backwards.

"Mate, you're less awake than Wormtail during History," James chortled, shaking his head at Sirius, who was trying to rub sleep out of his eyes, but the effect was ruined by his yawning.

Marlene, meanwhile, had bent down to retrieve the fallen homework. Curious, she began reading it, but she couldn't even get past the title without raising her eyebrows.

"Uh, guys?" she asked uncertainly. "Which subject is this for?"

"Magical Creatures, why?" James replied absentmindedly, still focused on Sirius.

"'Cause I'm wondering why you have to write an essay on uniforms," Marlene explained.

"Unicorns," James said back in an unconcerned voice.

"I haven't forgotten to read!" Marlene huffed. "It says uniforms, see for yourself."

Marlene shoved the parchment under James' nose. Jerking at the sudden intrusion to his personal space, James took the homework with a scowl, pushed his glasses further up his nose and began reading. But with every word he read, his eyebrows jumped higher and higher on his forehead, eventually disappearing under his messy hairline, until finally halfway through the text, James couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey mate," James said, waving the parchment in front of Sirius' face. "Have you been using the faulty spell-check quill again? This here is nonsense."

"No, I'm sure- Sure I took the right one," Sirius replied, pausing mid-sentence to yawn.

"Prove it, then," Marlene said brightly.

"'scuse me?" Sirius slurred.

"Prove it! Here," she shoved a torn piece of parchment under Sirius' nose, "write something. Write... that you were washing your hair for an hour."

"Often true," James snickered.

Sirius rolled his eyes at both of his classmates, but he was too tired to argue. "Makes me feel like I was in one of those Muggle kindergartens," he commented sluggishly and picking up his quill, he began writing mechanically, automatically, his eyes half-closed, eyesight not focused on the parchment.

James' eyes shot wide open. "_Kindergartens?_" he repeated in shock. "Muggles grow their kids in gardens, like vegetables?"

Marlene began laughing so hard, she couldn't stay standing. At first, James took offence to that, but once she filled him in briefly about the Muggle school system, he joined her in the laughter. It wasn't until Sirius' voice registered in their brains that they calmed down.

"Hey, I'm done!"

James pushed his glassed further up his nose and took Sirius' parchment. "Alright, dear student," he said in an impression of Professor Kettleburn's nasally voice, "let's see what you've... written..." James trailed off, as the sentence on the parchment was not the one Marlene had assigned.

Marlene, too, had spotted this. Her left eyebrow was arched up delicately as she skimmed over the sentence several times, checking if she'd read it right. "You were... wasting your hare for an hour," she read out loud. "Oh wow... That poor hare must have one heck of a hangover right now."

James snorted, but he was only half-listening to Marlene, his own thought processes too furious. He had finally connected the dots. It wasn't the quill that was at fault; the poor school equipment was just trying as hard as it could to make the text seem like it was written in English, not gibberish. "Padfoot," he said slowly, "when was the last time you slept?"

"History," Sirius replied, making Marlene laugh.

James rolled his eyes. "I mean, when did you last get a proper full night's sleep?"

Sirius shrugged. "No idea. Too long ago, can't remember. Been working on the prank."

Marlene's eyes narrowed. "Prank?"

"On Slytherins, nothing important," James waved her away, turning back to Sirius. "So was I, but you can't see me yawning all the time, do you? And you know why that is? 'Cause I know the limits!"

"You just value your beauty sleep," Sirius retorted.

"Whatever! The point is; I went down there three days ago, Moony two days ago and Wormtail was yesterday. But you, you spent all three nights planning. How do you expect your brain to work?"

"Um, I don't?"

Marlene had been hiding her laughter behind her hand, but she couldn't keep quiet anymore, attracting stares of both arguing boys. "Sorry... but you're a total mother hen, James!" she cried, tears streaming down her red cheeks.

"Am not," James huffed, swatting Sirius for nodding along. "And that's not the point. You know, just... read Sirius' essay or something. We're having an important discussion," he said, shoving said piece of parchment at Marlene.

"So you want me to read that... unicorns _ficus_ on their young and behave very _violet_ if those are threatened?" Marlene said innocently. "I'm not sure I'm up to such wisdom."

"Where are Moony and Wormy anyway?" Sirius asked, blocking Marlene out.

"Practising Colovaria. Pete still can't get the hang of it. But you, sir, are going to bed!"

"Hey," Marlene butted in, Sirius' essay still in her hands, "did you know that besides parents, so-called unicorn _dogfathers_ and _dogmothers_ also care for the foals?"

"I could be a dogfather if you ever have a kid, James" Sirius remarked drowsily.

"Sure," James muttered. "But right now, you are going to be asleep!"

And after these words, James picked the protesting Sirius up from his armchair and began carrying him up to the dormitory, leaving Marlene McKinnon succumbed to tears of laughter once again.

* * *

_This will be a two-shot, the second chapter should be up tomorrow. Reviews are welcome! :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_So, there's the second chapter! Tell me, guys, why do my one-shots keep turning into two-shots? This is the third time this has happened. Oh, well; I suppose you'd rather read the story instead of my rant, so I'll just shut up for now..._

_Not owning HP._

* * *

Sirius supposed he visited the Potters often enough he didn't need to be invited over. Alas, he was mistaken, and so barely a minute after James' head had disappeared from the fireplace, he was standing in the living room, welcomed to the house and chewed out by Lily for having Apparated right behind her and scaring her half to death. Nothing unusual there, really.

"I was in the middle of doing a crossword," Sirius said immediately upon his arrival, treating the two Potters to a mock-glare. "You two better have a good reason for tearing me out of that!"

"Oh, we have," Lily said, and there was softness in her voice like Sirius had never heard before. She went upstairs, gesturing to Sirius to stay where he was. And that was when Sirius understood.

Of course, he had known James and Lily had had a baby. Hard to forget, really, James' gleeful face when he'd told him the news. Sirius swore his spectacled friend hadn't stopped smiling for at least a month. He even knew it was a boy named Harry. At the day when he was born, though, Sirius had been on a mission and he'd only found out via owl. In the days since, he had returned, but hadn't sought a visit to the friends he considered family. They would need time to come to terms with living as a trio, he supposed, and he didn't want to get in the way. As a matter of fact, he wasn't so thrilled about seeing Harry, at least not until he grew up a bit and became more interesting. Babies cried a lot, pooped a lot, and that's all they ever did. Neither seemed all that appealing to Sirius. But now, it seemed a meeting was inevitable.

"So," Sirius sighed, "I'm visiting a father."

"Isn't it awesome?" James' grin was about as big as the one he'd had nine months before. "My own little prankster! Oh, I can't wait until he starts discovering all Hogwarts' secret passages and pranking Slytherins and being the second best Quidditch player this world has ever seen... after me, of course."

"Naturally," Sirius chuckled. "Hey, maybe he'll become an Animagus like us!"

"And sneak into the Forbidden Forest every night!"

"And- What's that noise?" Sirius asked, straining his ears to try and identify the sounds coming from the kitchen. It sounded like wrestling, but covered by the rustling of a plastic sack.

James rolled his eyes. "Moony is probably trying to stop Wormtail from eating our whole fridge. I feel like lately, that's the only reason why he comes here, 'cause he rarely talks."

And so it was. Remus had his arms around Peter, who, true to his rodent-like nature, was trying to reach the last packet of cheese in the Potters' fridge. Another piece was still in his hand and whenever he stopped struggling, it was only to take a bite of the cheese.

"Typical," James sighed, shaking his head at Peter. He must've heard it, for both he and Remus twitched and turned their heads towards the black-haired boys.

"Sorry Prongs, I was unable to stop him," Remus said after a _very _awkward hello from both wrestlers towards Sirius.

James clapped him on his shoulder comfortingly. "Thanks for trying. I appreciate the effort."

"Have you thought about setting up mousetraps around the fridge?" Sirius suggested.

James brightened. "Not a bad idea, Padfoot," he said, snickering at the glare Peter was sending to both of them.

"What happened to staying where you were?" sounded from behind Sirius' back and he turned around to face one Lily Potter. In her arms, there was a bundle of blankets with a head and arms sticking out. For the first time, Sirius got a look at the newest addition to the Potter family.

As a less than a week-old baby, Harry didn't exactly look like much. Maybe half a metre long, though it was hard to guess with all the blankets, and a mop of jet black hair. Just like his father's, Sirius realised. But when Harry looked straight at him, Sirius saw that the green eyes were Lily's.

A perfect combination of James and Lily... Sirius shuddered. Looks were one thing, but what if he inherited other traits as well? Put together James' passion and Lily's temper and you get a time bomb ready to explode at any moment. Mix Lily's deviousness and James' prankster mind and Hogwarts wouldn't remain standing. James' recklessness plus Lily's curiosity and he considered buying James a bottle of black hair dye for his next birthday, so he could keep looking like his son hadn't managed to make him go grey. Oh yes; a dangerous combination, indeed.

But for a prankster-to-be, as Sirius was sure Harry would grow up to be, he didn't seem to appreciate being in the presence of four prank masters. Sirius wasn't an expert at reading expressions, but the way Harry skimmed him, Peter and Remus, groaned and pressed himself to Lily spoke volumes. Sirius couldn't blame him. The four Marauders, together... that was a real crash-course in meeting new people.

And the crash-course wasn't over yet, as Lily proved when she shoved Harry in Sirius' arms. Neither of them were prepared for such action, and Harry was heavier than Sirius had expected, so it was only thanks to his quick reflexes that the baby didn't come falling to the ground.

For a short while, the two just kept staring at each other, the Black heir and the Potter heir, both looking equally freaked out about the whole situation.

"Wh-what am I supposed to do with it?" Sirius said in what was definitely a very _manly_ squeak, holding Harry as far from himself as possible while still safe in his hands.

That was a bad thing to say, it turned out. Sirius didn't remember Lily looking so angry since James had finally realised that pranking wasn't the right way to worm his way into her heart.

"Harry is not an _it_!" Lily hissed, her green eyes practically slits under her fringe.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Sirius stammered, cowardly raising Harry up so he'd be between Lily and his face, should she pull out her wand. Lily wouldn't hurt a guy with a baby... would she?

Sirius' guess proved to be right, in the end. Lily cast him a furious look, but in the end, she decided endangering her son was too big of a price to pay for showing Sirius a piece of her mind. That didn't mean she wasn't about to drop another bombshell, though. With a sigh, blowing a strand of her red hair out of her face, she said, "But I'd like to get to the real reason why James and I called you here, Sirius. And now, when Harry's in your hands, I think there's the perfect opportunity."

"Opportunity... for what?" Sirius asked, nervous.

"Lily and I have thought about this a lot," James said, taking the reins of the conversation. "And... we'd like to ask you... mate, would you be willing to become Harry's godfather?"

Sirius almost dropped Harry again. Him, godfather? Had marriage messed with both of his friends' minds? Godfathers were supposed to be... well... responsible! Alright, Sirius admitted he didn't know much about what they should do, but he guessed they should be able to step in if the parents couldn't watch over the child. Act like a surrogate parent. Did they think him up to such things? What did he know about children, anyway? The last child he had seen was Reg, and as a child himself, he hadn't really picked up on hints how to care for one. (The fact that his family was not the best example of correct parenting aside.) Surely, James must've known that; he'd known him for nine years, for Merlin's sake! So what had possessed him to choose Sirius, of all people, to be his kid's godfather? Wasn't Remus the most obvious, the most sensible choice? The one who had had to deal with immature kids since he'd met Sirius, James and Peter, and thus had enough practice with keeping them in check?

"Right," Remus laughed humourlessly. "'Cause I'm really the best person to care for a child when I turn into a ruthless monster once a month."

"You're not a monster," James, Sirius and Lily protested immediately.

Remus rolled his eyes. They'd had this discussion far too many times, with neither side willing to see the point of the other. "I'm dangerous; you can't deny that."

"Still, you're a better option than me," Sirius argued.

"I can't be godfather, Padfoot!" Remus put his hands on the kitchen counter forcefully, releasing the grip on Peter. The shortest Marauder seized the opportunity and grabbed another piece of cheese for himself.

"Fine," Sirius growled. "What about Wormtail?"

"Wormtail? So he could teach Harry all the ways of mozzarella?" James huffed, gesturing to said person who was, indeed, nibbling on a piece of cheese, his blissful expression saying he wasn't aware of anything going on around him but the dairy product. "Are you serious?"

Sirius said nothing. He was aware of the truth in both Remus' and James' words, but sometimes, the human ego just takes too long to beat. And in this case, it did. But try as he could, he was unable to come up with another suitable candidate for the position. Well, except Remus, but Sirius knew that more than just words of persuasion would be needed to make the werewolf change his mind, and he doubted James and Lily would appreciate a little, uncontrolled re-decoration of their house. Making Remus Harry's godfather against his will would be unfair to both of them, anyway.

Harry himself wasn't very helpful when it came to choosing; it seemed like he was uncomfortable in everyone else's arms but Lily's. It was understandable, but Sirius didn't appreciate this act of devotion at the moment. Why had Lily shoved the baby in his arms, anyway?

Speaking of Lily, she had disappeared from the kitchen, probably not wishing to participate in the squabble, and retreated into the front hall. She was still watching the guys, though, leaning against a wall under a cheesy painting of a unicorn standing on a meadow.

The painting...

Suddenly, Sirius remembered. He was sure it was just a coincidence – Lily hadn't been there anyway – but he remembered the conversation he'd had with James and Marlene McKinnon in their fifth year. A conversation which began with unicorns and ended with godfathers... right before James had sent him to bed like a toddler, but that wasn't important.

"Yes," Sirius whispered. "I've always been, haven't I?"

Sirius had found it. He'd found the final argument, and it was five years old. He had always been, and not only serious – or Sirius – as the answer to James' question. He had always been the godfather to James, just like James was to him if he ever found someone to settle down with. It was like an unspoken agreement between the two; something that didn't need to be said out loud to be true. Sirius felt he was a fool for running away from it.

But if he remembered well, dogfather had been the word in question. And if a dogfather he should be, a dogfather he'd be.

With Harry still safe in his arms, Sirius went to join Lily in the front hall. There was a huge armchair next to the door, randomly placed in Sirius' opinion, but it would suit well. Carefully, Sirius set Harry down in the armchair and squatted in front of it. Then, he transformed into his Animagus shape.

"What are you-" Lily began, but Sirius was focusing on Harry. And while the sudden change had startled the boy at first, when the shock wore off, traces of a smile showed on his face, to which Sirius offered his own, dog-like one.

To be even closer to the toddler, Sirius laid his huge, black head on the armchair next to Harry. He knew Lily wouldn't be all too happy about it, especially if he left some of his fur on the fabric, but at the moment, he didn't care. If two hundred Lily rants hadn't killed him, the two hundred and first wouldn't, either. Instead, he nudged Harry with his snout and the boy began waving his arms up and down, hitting Sirius' head several times. Sirius could've sworn Harry laughed when his little hands touched the black, soft fur. And while he was in no way a sappy person, he had to admit that seeing the expression didn't leave him feel totally indifferent.

'Maybe I don't have what it takes to be a proper godfather,' Sirius thought, watching Harry beat his sensitive snout, 'but Merlin forbid if I won't become the best dogfather there has ever been, Harry.'

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_And that's it. Tell me what you think :)_


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